Tuesday, August 27, 2013

TV Guide: The Knocked Up Broad Edition

For real, I am seriously hormonal right now. Like can't even deal with reading my e-mail emotional, on the off chance someone sends me something about puppies because I'll cry for two hours. It's not just normal pregnancy stuff; they're also pumping me full of extra hormones (progesterone injections) weekly to keep this baby baking til it's good and done. So yeah, I keep sobbing at seemingly innocuous things on the TV. It's gonna happen for a few months until the baby gets here, and then about a year after that. And then sporadically for probably the rest of my reproductive years. Then all through menopause. So all I can do for now is try to avoid the worst triggers. I've prepared a handy list for other pregnant ladies in terms of what's safe as far as TV and movies, and what should be avoided at all costs (and what should wait for a few adult beverages and Netflix a few months down the line). I hope that this can spare you some of my pain.

Totally Acceptable Viewing:

  • Slasher Flicks. Seriously ok, because they never harm pregnant people or kids in slasher flicks. 
  • Zombie movies and TV shows. The Walking Dead is ok until they get to the parts with people and emotions and whatnot, then it's a crapshoot. World War Z was ok too because you never had enough time to connect with the characters before they became zombie feed.
  • Sy-Fy Original Movies. I thoroughly enjoyed Sharknado, and not just because I thought Tara Reid might get eaten. These are generally mindlessly fun movies unless you have totally irrational fears of things like flying sharks. This week's Ghost Shark was not quite as good, but thankfully it also did not elicit a serious emotional response (like crying or screaming at the screen) either, just a few comically mis-timed chuckles. Also appropriate are most regular science-fiction movies and TV shows, because these days they're all too ridiculous to deal with real issues that would leave a prego super-emotional.
  • Any episode of The Nanny, with the exception of the last one or two (when "The Way We Were" plays as Fran is getting her makeup case in the last episode, I can't help but sob, hormonal or not). The Golden Girls is also, shall we say, golden. 
  • Most grown-up cartoons. I've been watching a lot of The Simpsons and Regular Show lately, mostly the latter because it's pretty G to PG and I can watch it with Stenni. Not much to offend there, and they skip the heavy stuff. 
  • Musicals. Pretty much all of them. Except Moulin Rouge, which makes me cry like a baby even without the extra hormones. 

Not OK Under Any Circumstances:

  • Any episode of Little House on the Prairie. Do yourself a favor and set the parental controls to block the Hallmark Channel as soon as the pregnancy test comes back positive. Trust me on that one.
  • Celeste and Jesse Forever.  And I feel like someone should have warned me about this, because they had to know I'd see it eventually. Cute movie, but not even my girl-crush on Rashida Jones could have saved me from openly weeping at all of the awkwardness.  During pregnancy skip this one and move directly to the somewhat-similar 500 Days of Summer, which offers a 50% less chance of weepiness. 
  • Skip Law & Order: SVU  if you are prone to watching things and thinking, "That could conceivably happen to me and/or my kids" because while it could, it probably won't, and you'd be better served by thinking about what to make for dinner and who is lurking around what corner.
  • I remember watching a movie about Ted Williams when I was pregnant with my daughter, and sobbing uncontrollably when they wouldn't acknowledge that he was the greatest hitter of all time. So I skip the baseball movies, and if you get emotionally involved in sports, you should too.  Hubs still rips on me for this too, so I'll never live it down. Double shame.

 Surprisingly OK

  • Take Shelter, which dealt with some heavy topics and had a pretty down ending, but was easily handle-able for some reason. Maybe because I've long considered building a storm/bomb shelter and did not think the idea was crazy at all.  
  • Midnight in Paris. This was my intro to Woody Allen (with all of the movies I've seen, my husband couldn't believe it), and I might have to look into some of his other work in the future. Aside from the shrewish fiance, there was nothing really objectionable at all in the film and it was just a pretty nice way to spend an hour and a half. 
  • I watched every episode of AMC's The Killing this season with bated breath. It was fabulous, even though they kept killing innocent people and misguided teenage girls (and they were involved in some pretty serious business. If you don't like your dramas dark and adult-themed, skip this one), and the ending was honestly kind of a downer. I didn't get as furious with my television this season as I did at the end of season 1 where they left me with the "Who Killed Rosie Larsen" cliffhanger though, so that's a plus (I almost cancelled my cable and shot my TV right then and there. Almost).

Save for Netflix and Adult Beverage Time:

  • The new season of Arrested Development that came out around Memorial Day. I mostly enjoyed it, especially towards the end, but I have a feeling that I'd have liked it more with a large rum and coke in my hand. 
  • Most other binge-viewable TV series that I want to catch up on, like The League and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and 30 Rock. 
I'm sure there are a TON of things I'm not thinking of. What do you recommend for any of the above categories? Anything you thought was safe that absolutely wasn't (like the Volvo commercial where the boy make that bracelet for the girl at the end of camp and gives it to her in that engraved, hollowed-out, awesomely decorated log box? Because that made me sob.), or didn't think to watch but were ok with? Please let me know if I'm too severely limiting my options! 

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