Five Favorites: Super Low-Maintenance Mom Beauty Edition

Let me let you in on a little secret: I am super low maintenance. As a mom of almost 4, a beachbody coach who works out in the mornings, and someone who is all-around terrible at being female, I've learned that I just do not have what it takes to be thoroughly girly, nor do I have the time or energy to learn. Don't get me wrong, I've looked up my share of youtube and pinterest eyeliner tutorials but somehow I can just never seem to stick with it, and I don't think I even own a blow dryer. But even though I'm not one of those super put-together gals, I try to look somewhat presentable most of the time (at least when I leave the house), even when I just finished working out and I'm super sweaty and already running late to get Stenni to the bus. I use these 5 things (plus one bonus tool) to pull myself together in under 5 minutes flat because really, who has any longer than that?
Remember, I'm not getting paid to endorse any of this stuff. I just really like it a lot.

So here are my five favorites, Super Low-Maintenance Mom Beauty Edition:

1. Aquaphor. Just plain Aquaphor. I use it on everything. It's a great lip balm. It keeps my eyebrows from looking as crazy and German and angry as they really are. And it tames my eczema, sometimes. Also works on kids' booboos and baby butts. Who could ask for anything more?
2. Not Your Mother's Clean Freak Tapioca Dry Shampoo. It smells like vanilla and woodsmoke (Cua says it made the bathroom smell like marshmallows this morning) and it helps me look like I've showered on mornings when I haven't. It is reasonably priced at my local Ulta and it is a Godsend.
3. Garnier Matte BB Cream. I don't ever wear a full face of makeup, except to weddings and other occasions where people might take close-up pictures of my face for some reason (so any other time, joke's on them). But this stuff really does it for me. There's SPF, a bit of tint, some moisturizer, and it's all in one product so I'm set. Note: In summer I switch to Coola brand BB cream because it's actually a sunscreen and I need all the SPF I can get.
4. Aveeno Positively Radiant Makeup Remover Towlettes. Because I never remember to actually wash my face. I used to have a whole cabinet full of Lush products for specific skin and face washing stuff but now that I have neither time nor money, this is it my friends. These towlettes smell good and get the makeup and dirt off so I'm good to go.
5. Cheap navy or purple eyeliner. It makes you look less tired than black does. Trust me on this one. If you have white, do waterlines in white if you're really tired. You can fake an extra hour of sleep.

*Honorable mention: My trusty Remington Wet 2 Straight Straightener. I'm not sure if they even make this thing anymore, as I've had mine about 13 years or so and it hasn't crapped out yet. Again, it's because when I get out of the shower (when I have the time to shower), I don't have the time or patience to dry my hair before I straighten it and besides, I never straighten anything but my bangs anyway (again, unless I'm going to a wedding. Why are they the only occasions I dress up for? No clue).

So those 5 products, plus my straightener, take me from the sweaty post-workout pic on the left to the almost presentable pic on the right in less than 5 minutes (that was this morning, btw). If I have a few extra seconds, sometimes I  add some light eyeshadow to the mix and if I'm feeling generous, I may even spritz on some body spray so I don't scare people away with my stink. Oh, I also change out of my workout clothes and slap on some deodorant because I am a decent human being and I don't want to scare you away that badly (or do I?). Any other low-maintenance gals out there who use even less than I do? I'd love to hear about it!

Before

After

Magic Mike XXL and my Mother of the Year Award

I recently went with a girlfriend to see the movie Magic Mike XXL, as we had seen the last one together. Don't judge me, btw, because you know you saw it too and if you didn't? I don't even have time to get into all that. I haven't been to a movie in a movie theater in almost a year either, so it was about time. Plus it was girls night! So naked dude movies and burgers.
Anyway, my almost-5-year-old daughter caught me looking at my phone and laughing at lunchtime today and asked me why I was "staring at my phone and giggling." My girlfriend who had gone with me to see the movie had sent me a YouTube clip of a scene in which one of the "male entertainers" was trying to make a convenience store checkout girl smile while dancing around to "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys. If you saw the movie, you'd know that this particular scene was far more hilarious and cute than racy, and there was pretty much nothing suggestive and no nudity besides some male toplessness, which kind of doesn't even count.
So my daughter sneaks up behind me and asks, why is that naked man dancing in the store?
I'm all, he's only shirtless, not naked. Let's be real. You see that that man has pants on, right? Right?
And she's like, mom, that's still not allowed. He should know better. And she shakes her head and walks away.
So I put down my phone, stuffed some mac and cheese in my face, and gave myself the Mom of the Year award for accidentally letting my kid sneak-watch scenes from Magic Mike.
Also, if you want my actual review of the movie? Hilarious and heartwarming. Everybody gets what they want in the end, but after a lot of stripping at a stripper convention (which really exist maybe? I have no clue). It was way funnier than the first one. Lots of partial nudity and adult situations though, so if you don't like that? Probably don't go then, I'm guessing. But if you're ok with that? Then you've probably already seen it, because I'm a little late on this one. I'm kind of lucky it was still playing, since the latest showing was at 4:50. But in real life that means I can still eat dinner by 6:30 and be in bed by 9. A+ mom time all around.

The Pregnant Body, in All Its Glory and Horror

There's a wonderful and timely (for me!) post today over at Already Pretty about pregnancy and body image. As a woman who is currently 7 months pregnant, and who just got back to her pre-pregnancy size (after almost 3 years!) only about 2 weeks before finding out I was pregnant again, it's nice to know that I have a lot of company out there in that even though pregnancy is a magical time for many women, not all of the side effects are as well-loved, and not all of the changes are wanted.
It's not easy to always be happy with the changes going on in your body and how they manifest on the outside. I know it might sound vain to some, but for many women, especially those who have struggled with weight and body image issues in the past, the extra weight is just unwanted, and it's hard to accept that the weight gained during pregnancy serves an important purpose! The hardest time for some is after the baby is born, when the body just doesn't look like it did before (Lord knows it takes time to get back to pre-pregnancy shape, and some of us never get there). Even during pregnancy, women are bombarded with ideas about what we should look like. As in: Heidi Klum! Not Kim Kardashian! God forbid Jessica Simpson! Unfortunately I find that on a good day, pregnant as I am, I look something like Humpty Dumpty, or maybe Tweedle Dum (I carry my baby weight in a way that makes me look like an egg. So what?). And the ideas of what we should look like come from everywhere. My mother-in-law, who is thin as a twig, always reminds me that she gained 70 lbs. with her pregnancies but both times lost it all before she got home from the hospital (with the assumption being that I should too). Pressure from the doctor to only gain a certain amount may be very great too, and as well-meaning as it seems this can be problematic as it can send the wrong message, that dieting or under-eating (or even over-exercising) during pregnancy is ok or even expected for overweight patients.
My body image journey has been a complicated one, and pregnancy has played a large role in that.  I started out slim as a child and young teen and then, due to a number of factors, really packed on the pounds at around age 17, topping out at about 250 lbs. (size 18-20) at age 19, right after I got married. Over the next few years I lost about 90 lbs., getting down to around 160 (a size 10), which worked for me even though it was slightly higher than the recommended weight for my height. It was just where I felt comfortable and no longer had to diet and exercise like a maniac to maintain my weight; I could hike and do yoga and even enjoy the occasional treat and not feel guilty and starve myself for days. I finally felt healthy, both physically and emotionally. Then I got pregnant for the first time, and I was so excited. I loved to see the changes in my body at that time! But at about 21 weeks of pregnancy, when I was showing and glowing and just so happy, I had an unexpected and unexplainable miscarriage. At that point, with so much other emotional upset going on, the extra weight, which it seemed I had put on for no reason, was like an added slap in the face. It took a long time to take it back off as well. I felt like my body had failed me not once but twice, in that it just could not do what came so naturally to others (first, carrying a child to term, and second, losing the "baby" weight that in my mind had no right to be there, since there was no baby). 
I lost most some of that weight before I got pregnant again. This time, I carried to term, but it packed about 35 lbs. on to my already-slightly-larger frame. Right after Stenni was born, I was just under 200 lbs. again, and so unhappy with the way I looked and felt. After lots of time at the gym and doing yoga and endless dieting (not to mention about a year and a half), I lost about 20 pounds and got pregnant again. I lost this baby at about 9 weeks, before there were any outward physical signs of pregnancy. But I knew what had happened, and again it felt like my body had betrayed me. This led to a host of other issues and it took a long time to work through them to become comfortable with the way I felt and the way I looked all over again. 
When I became pregnant again (right after deciding to stop trying and start training for half marathon), I honestly didn't have high hopes or expectations for the pregnancy. But what I did know was that I didn't want my weight to creep up and up and up like it had in previous pregnancies. I knew I couldn't exercise as much, but I also couldn't diet, count calories, or anything like that, so gradually, the weight would have to reappear. I've tried to take a more balanced approach this time: I know I can't stick to broiled chicken breast, kale, and watermelon, but I haven't (completely) turned into cookie monster either. When I was at the fair, on vacation, and at my daughter's birthday party, I had a few little treats. I tried not to eat the whole bag of zeppoles at the shore (why hubs thought I needed 12, I'll never know) because eating for two doesn't mean gaining for two. Now I have a healthy pregnancy and at 31 weeks, I've gained 25 lbs., which is about average. Truth be told, I only wanted to gain 25 lbs. total, but taking a healthy approach and also cutting myself some slack, that's just not how it worked out. Most days I'm fine with that. Other days I want to take everything from my closet, throw it all in a pile on my deck, burn it, and wear a toga made out of bedsheets. But I'm hormonal, so I'm pretty sure that feeling is mostly natural. I know that I can get my body back in time but right now I'd like to focus on having a healthy baby. Now I've been told that I look like I'm going to deliver any day, or that I don't look pregnant at all. I've been told that I need to exercise more, and exercise less. People have all kinds of opinions about a pregnant body because they feel like there's some kind of public ownership of it. I'm really not a touchy-feely kind of person, and the only ones allowed to touch my belly are medical professionals, hubs, and Stenni. Especially Stenni, because she's 3, and I want this pregnancy to be something special for her too, because she is so excited about it and really psyched to get a brother at the end of it all. Sometimes she even puts a stuffed animal under her shirt and tells me that she's having a baby too, and although this would be awful if she were much older, at her age it's just too cute, how interested she is in the pregnancy. When I start to think negative things about my body, I just try to imagine it through her eyes and how magical it must seem, and it does really make a lot of the more heinous thoughts about the weight gain kind of disappear.
Just one more thing: No matter what anyone tells you, nursing is not magic bullet. It will not instantly give you your old body back. It does burn calories, but think about the fact that you are sitting on your butt the whole time you do it (not moving around, or even standing). Stenni was a pretty small baby and wanted to be nursed round-the-clock, and I nursed her for 10 months, usually about 7 hours a day. Yes. 7. Hours. A. Day. I'm glad I did it, because she's so healthy, smart and active now, but when I think back on it, it wasn't my favorite way to pass the time. But if you want to nurse, do it because it's good for the baby, not for your body's sake. For your body's sake, so a few squats and maybe some lunges first, and drink some extra water. Trust me on that one.
Right now I'm just happy that I'm healthy and I'm not-so-patiently waiting for my little guy, Cuatro, to get here and grace us with his presence. And if I want a gingersnap, then I'm going to have the damn gingersnap, and not worry about who is thinking what about it or how long it's going to take me to burn it off later. Health is my goal this time around.

have you read this?

It's an article called "The End of Courtship?" in the NY Times. It makes me sad for my generation, and happy to be already married to a wonderful man with whom I don't need to play games.

I don't really have too much to say about the article itself or the growing trend of hanging out instead of dating (which itself has always seemed problematic). No real comment. I just feel like it's such a cop-out. I know the way things go, I have a few friends who are still single, I understand the no commitment thing. If I weren't married to my husband, I'd never have gotten married at all. But just hanging out in groups, texting, and then having sex sporadically until everything fizzles out? That seems so lame. How do you build a future from that? I feel like everyone on the playing field is selling themselves short.

Anyway like I said I really am not going to make some kind of deep social commentary. But if you haven't read the article and you're looking for something unsettling to do this morning, go for it. Don't say I didn't warn you.

10 random things i've learned in 10 years

some things i've been thinking about: in ten years, between my last thanksgiving at home and what will (hopefully) be my last thanksgiving in this home, i've learned a ton of things about life, myself, marriage, and most recently, motherhood. in no particular order...

1. i will never be martha stewart, no matter how hard i try. i'm neither classy nor whitebread, and i have a distinct lack of domestic skills even though i have tried for years to cultivate them. i can't knit. i can't crochet (oddly though, hubs can. this make me giggle). sewing? nah, not even. i can bake really well provided it's nothing complicated. that's pretty much where it ends. when i see cool heart-shaped felted arm patches in pinterest that say DIY, of course i think, hey, i could do that. but who am i kidding? i don't even iron.
2. some "treasures" from thrift stores are just that, but most of the stuff i find at the goodwill or salvation army is unsalvageable crap. unless you happen to have mad crafty skills, which i do not. i may think i've found something tres chic at the time, but i usually get it home and in the light of day it's covered in sweat stains and there are buttons missing and maybe a sleeve is falling off. no dice.
3. kids can actually be funny. like, little kids say stuff that makes me laugh and not just because it's ridiculous or nonsensical or horribly inappropriate. but sometimes that's why. like when stenni is giggling in the library for (seemingly) no reason and when the librarian asks her why she just yells "mama's boobies!" or when she asks if i'm going to leave her in pennsylvania, and when i say yes (what parent woudn't?) she says "gross!" i agree.
4. unless you are specifically asked, nobody really cares about hearing your opinion. for real. it's hard for teenagers to grasp this fact, especially in a world where everyone wants to tell you everything they think every minute of the day on facebook or twitter or whathaveyou .in my day, it was AIM. i'm pretty sure that as a teenager i thought that everything i thought up was pure gold and someone should know about it, but thinking back? not so much. but it took me a long time to figure that out. (and now i blog, so you can just navigate away if you don't like my very important ideas or whatever nonsense i'm spewing that day)
5. hair grows back, no matter how short you cut it.
6. "scary" takes on a whole new meaning when you have children. like even though i still can't watch pet semetary, i'm more scared of the busy road than people coming back from the dead. mostly. 
7. every single person should know what looks good on them. we each need a power outfit that looks awesome and makes us feel like four hundred bucks. and for us ladies, that means one at the size you are now. not pre-pregnancy -not to be a downer, but you may never get back there again (i haven't). so, not the size you were in high school. not even last year.  you should still look fabulous, because you probably are. what looked great on me in high school (or at least, what i thought looked great) is much different from what i prefer now, and that's as it should be.
8. pets will always love you. even when you're a jerk. even when you're a mess and you can't get off the couch to walk the dog, she'll still want to kiss you. even when you want to institute a closed-door bedroom policy because your 20-lb cat steps on your hair at night, or nibbles on your fingers or puts his whiskers in your nose, they'll all still love you. there's no human comparison.
9. not everything you think is cool at 17 will be cool at 27. not even close. when i think back to my giant platform sandals, i want to yak in my mouth a little. but on the flipside, some stuff will still be even awesomer. like the fact that i can now afford to see bands that i like in concert and i no longer have to carpool with 8 people to get there.
10. anyone can bounce back from anything. i didn't always think this. after my grad school application got rejected from the only school i bothered to apply to, i was crushed. like my life was going to go nowhere because of that one single thing. but when i had my first miscarriage, it kind of put that into perspective. that was crushing, in that i literally felt like my heart was going to cave in for a long, long time. but after a while, things started feeling almost normal again. you don't always have to come back bigger and better, you just have to come back. and you don't always need to learn a lesson, or believe that things happen for a reason. some things don't make sense, and life's not always fair, but it always goes on, no matter what

and one bonus: honesty really is the best policy. as in, almost always. the occasional little white lie of the the "no, i totally didn't eat cake for every meal yesterday or have any breakfast beers on vacation" sort is perfectly acceptable, as is the "you look totally awesome in neon colors" type, even if the wearer doesn't look fabulous, because if it's not that awful you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (but obviously if it's terrible and they really don't know better, tell them. it's your friend duty). but really, in all serious things, honesty is the only way to go. lies will only lead to more lies, and that can never be good for anyone.

what have you learned in the past 10 (or 100 ) years, and what would you like to share with others? i'd love to send this list to my 17-year old self, but i think she'd have chucked it out the window of her old beater car right along with that cigarette butt (oh, and i'd also tell her to quit smoking earlier. she'd never believe how expensive cigarettes are going to get).

Our biggest mistake..

is trying to have it all?
I heard a story on the radio yesterday (link to text and audio here) about a woman, Ann-Marie Slaughter, who had and still has both a very successful career (first as the director of policy planning for the State Department and now as a professor at Princeton) and a family. Nice. However, she is one of the first women to "tell it like it is" and say what most other women don't want to say, lest we be labelled anti-feminist: women still can't have it all. We never could. Balancing everything is tough, and unfortunately in the case of high-powered careers, nearly impossible, even with a helpful spouse.
She claims that by trying to do everything both at home and at work, we end up feeling like we are doing poorly at both places. To do things like have natural children (biology is something we simply can't avoid), we have to make some career compromises. That's just the way it is.
This message is in contrast to those espoused by other women like Ms. Sheryl Sandberg, a facebook executive who maintains (in true liberal feminist fashion) that more women need to push their way to the top so that changes will be made. You can read more about that in this morning's NY Times article here. Some women, however, see Sandberg's view as a criticism or an admonishment for not having chosen to push for the career first and foremost, as she did. 
The article by Ms. Slaughter that triggered the whole thing, published in the Atlantic, can be found here.
I won't argue for either case. There's plenty of fuel to fire the "mommy wars" elsewhere on the internet. If I've learned anything in 27 years, it's that you've got to do what works for you and your family. If it doesn't work, it may be a hard choice, but just don't do it! I honestly believe that one cannot do everything. I have a very supportive, very enlightened spouse who is great with Stenni, helps with cooking and household chores despite having a stay-at-home wife to handle such things, and would support my having a career if I so chose. But when I did have a career? Let's just say that my educated enlightened husband is not really great at laundry, and that we both would have missed a lot of things we'd have liked to be there for when Stenni was a baby, and leave it at that.
I don't care what people do. I'd rather not see people in this century demonized for making a choice that should just be made among the family. Yes, women have the right to work but it shouldn't feel pushed on us either (another problem that I don't believe is addressed properly in any of these articles: when a career is expected and the juggling act is just another thing that you're supposed to do with your life). Some women have to work. That's just life.
I don't know, it's just food for thought. It sparked some interesting conversation with the hubs in the car on the way home from the pediatric orthopedic surgeon yesterday. Yeah, Stenni's in a cast up to her knee. She fractured her leg in a fall while she was playing with cousins the other day. She can't get the cast wet or even go on the beach because of the sand, so goodbye to next week's beach vacation. Sigh.