The Pregnant Body, in All Its Glory and Horror

There's a wonderful and timely (for me!) post today over at Already Pretty about pregnancy and body image. As a woman who is currently 7 months pregnant, and who just got back to her pre-pregnancy size (after almost 3 years!) only about 2 weeks before finding out I was pregnant again, it's nice to know that I have a lot of company out there in that even though pregnancy is a magical time for many women, not all of the side effects are as well-loved, and not all of the changes are wanted.
It's not easy to always be happy with the changes going on in your body and how they manifest on the outside. I know it might sound vain to some, but for many women, especially those who have struggled with weight and body image issues in the past, the extra weight is just unwanted, and it's hard to accept that the weight gained during pregnancy serves an important purpose! The hardest time for some is after the baby is born, when the body just doesn't look like it did before (Lord knows it takes time to get back to pre-pregnancy shape, and some of us never get there). Even during pregnancy, women are bombarded with ideas about what we should look like. As in: Heidi Klum! Not Kim Kardashian! God forbid Jessica Simpson! Unfortunately I find that on a good day, pregnant as I am, I look something like Humpty Dumpty, or maybe Tweedle Dum (I carry my baby weight in a way that makes me look like an egg. So what?). And the ideas of what we should look like come from everywhere. My mother-in-law, who is thin as a twig, always reminds me that she gained 70 lbs. with her pregnancies but both times lost it all before she got home from the hospital (with the assumption being that I should too). Pressure from the doctor to only gain a certain amount may be very great too, and as well-meaning as it seems this can be problematic as it can send the wrong message, that dieting or under-eating (or even over-exercising) during pregnancy is ok or even expected for overweight patients.
My body image journey has been a complicated one, and pregnancy has played a large role in that.  I started out slim as a child and young teen and then, due to a number of factors, really packed on the pounds at around age 17, topping out at about 250 lbs. (size 18-20) at age 19, right after I got married. Over the next few years I lost about 90 lbs., getting down to around 160 (a size 10), which worked for me even though it was slightly higher than the recommended weight for my height. It was just where I felt comfortable and no longer had to diet and exercise like a maniac to maintain my weight; I could hike and do yoga and even enjoy the occasional treat and not feel guilty and starve myself for days. I finally felt healthy, both physically and emotionally. Then I got pregnant for the first time, and I was so excited. I loved to see the changes in my body at that time! But at about 21 weeks of pregnancy, when I was showing and glowing and just so happy, I had an unexpected and unexplainable miscarriage. At that point, with so much other emotional upset going on, the extra weight, which it seemed I had put on for no reason, was like an added slap in the face. It took a long time to take it back off as well. I felt like my body had failed me not once but twice, in that it just could not do what came so naturally to others (first, carrying a child to term, and second, losing the "baby" weight that in my mind had no right to be there, since there was no baby). 
I lost most some of that weight before I got pregnant again. This time, I carried to term, but it packed about 35 lbs. on to my already-slightly-larger frame. Right after Stenni was born, I was just under 200 lbs. again, and so unhappy with the way I looked and felt. After lots of time at the gym and doing yoga and endless dieting (not to mention about a year and a half), I lost about 20 pounds and got pregnant again. I lost this baby at about 9 weeks, before there were any outward physical signs of pregnancy. But I knew what had happened, and again it felt like my body had betrayed me. This led to a host of other issues and it took a long time to work through them to become comfortable with the way I felt and the way I looked all over again. 
When I became pregnant again (right after deciding to stop trying and start training for half marathon), I honestly didn't have high hopes or expectations for the pregnancy. But what I did know was that I didn't want my weight to creep up and up and up like it had in previous pregnancies. I knew I couldn't exercise as much, but I also couldn't diet, count calories, or anything like that, so gradually, the weight would have to reappear. I've tried to take a more balanced approach this time: I know I can't stick to broiled chicken breast, kale, and watermelon, but I haven't (completely) turned into cookie monster either. When I was at the fair, on vacation, and at my daughter's birthday party, I had a few little treats. I tried not to eat the whole bag of zeppoles at the shore (why hubs thought I needed 12, I'll never know) because eating for two doesn't mean gaining for two. Now I have a healthy pregnancy and at 31 weeks, I've gained 25 lbs., which is about average. Truth be told, I only wanted to gain 25 lbs. total, but taking a healthy approach and also cutting myself some slack, that's just not how it worked out. Most days I'm fine with that. Other days I want to take everything from my closet, throw it all in a pile on my deck, burn it, and wear a toga made out of bedsheets. But I'm hormonal, so I'm pretty sure that feeling is mostly natural. I know that I can get my body back in time but right now I'd like to focus on having a healthy baby. Now I've been told that I look like I'm going to deliver any day, or that I don't look pregnant at all. I've been told that I need to exercise more, and exercise less. People have all kinds of opinions about a pregnant body because they feel like there's some kind of public ownership of it. I'm really not a touchy-feely kind of person, and the only ones allowed to touch my belly are medical professionals, hubs, and Stenni. Especially Stenni, because she's 3, and I want this pregnancy to be something special for her too, because she is so excited about it and really psyched to get a brother at the end of it all. Sometimes she even puts a stuffed animal under her shirt and tells me that she's having a baby too, and although this would be awful if she were much older, at her age it's just too cute, how interested she is in the pregnancy. When I start to think negative things about my body, I just try to imagine it through her eyes and how magical it must seem, and it does really make a lot of the more heinous thoughts about the weight gain kind of disappear.
Just one more thing: No matter what anyone tells you, nursing is not magic bullet. It will not instantly give you your old body back. It does burn calories, but think about the fact that you are sitting on your butt the whole time you do it (not moving around, or even standing). Stenni was a pretty small baby and wanted to be nursed round-the-clock, and I nursed her for 10 months, usually about 7 hours a day. Yes. 7. Hours. A. Day. I'm glad I did it, because she's so healthy, smart and active now, but when I think back on it, it wasn't my favorite way to pass the time. But if you want to nurse, do it because it's good for the baby, not for your body's sake. For your body's sake, so a few squats and maybe some lunges first, and drink some extra water. Trust me on that one.
Right now I'm just happy that I'm healthy and I'm not-so-patiently waiting for my little guy, Cuatro, to get here and grace us with his presence. And if I want a gingersnap, then I'm going to have the damn gingersnap, and not worry about who is thinking what about it or how long it's going to take me to burn it off later. Health is my goal this time around.

Staying fit in your third trimester...Is it possible?

Hey all. I know I do the occasional fitness-related post (and the more than occasional pregnancy-related post...sorry guys, it's kind of on my mind right now), and this one is really no different except...well, except that it kind of is. I've finally made it a few weeks into my third trimester, and with my gym closing next week (and me not wanting to switch gyms and work 1/2 an hour away 3 days a week just to work out for free, and almost 7 months preggers at that), it's time for me to explore other fitness options. I know how important it is to keep active throughout the entire pregnancy, and I don't want to start really packing on the pounds now because it's not healthy for anyone. I mean, who am I kidding, the pounds are there, I just don't want to add any more than baby needs at this point. So what can I do to stay semi-in-pregnant-lady shape? Here's what:
Walking is great, it really is. "They" say that walking and swimming are the two best exercises for pregnant women. But is it really enough exercise to stroll around the block a few times and call it a day? Sometimes, yeah it is. Lord knows it depends on the day, and obviously you need to pay attention to what your body is telling you that you can (or can't) do that day. But mostly I'm used to something a little more high-intensity, at least when I can handle it. Before I had Stenni (in fact, up until a few hours before I went into labor!), I took hour-long hikes with my dog every day. But with a toddler in tow, even one with legs almost as long as mine already, that just isn't realistic. I've thought about mall-walking with Stenni in the stroller, but since I don't use credit cards, I don't really need the temptation, so that's out. I try to walk around the block when I can, which is great because my block has some pretty beast hills, but I can only walk around in the same circle so many times a day before I want to punch the neighbors' yippy dog (and I'm a total dog person...he's just that bad).
Swimming is wonderful exercise, especially for expectant women. It's low-impact and works out basically every muscle in the body. So what are the downsides? Well for me, it makes me hungry (like, super crazy famished) and exhausted. Not that that stops me. The family and I had a wonderful week down the shore last week, and we went to the beach every single day, and I mean just to swim. I don't do that sit on the sand crap. We were out jumping waves and swimming the whole time, despite my whole shark fear thing. Also, my parents have a nice in-ground pool, and they only live a mile or so away, so we make use of it whenever we can (I say we because Stenni is a total water-baby). But, swimming season has about 2-3 more weeks left, and then it gets too cold too quickly around here to try to sneak in any late-season dips, and we don't have access to any indoor pools in the area.
Yoga is nice but can make me feel a little too hippy-dippy, what with all of the meditation and that sort of stuff. I understand that a lot of people are into yoga for the body-mind connection spiritual thing, and that's cool, but for real? That's totally not me. The kind of yoga I do normally (power yoga, or occasionally hot yoga) is really not appropriate for the pregnant body. But I do try to string together a sun salutation and some stretchy, flowing poses every once in a while just to make sure that my body still moves in the way that it should, and to stretch my back out.
Light aerobics are quite useful, and they bring up the energy level a good bit. Think gym class stuff: knee lifts, front and side kicks, squats, marching in place, kickboxing moves (without actually moving around), and that sort of thing. Keep it low-impact; no skipping, high-kicks, running up stairs, or other Rocky-type moves.
Light, no-contact sports with no real risk of falling and no hard balls to hit you. I'm looking at you, badminton. And pretty much only you. Well, wiffle ball is acceptable too as long as you aren't sprinting the bases, because if you can get hurt by a wiffle ball you can pretty much be gravely injured by an errant falling leaf and shouldn't be allowed outside. Skip soccer, cycling, distance running, rugby, lacrosse and tackle football. For all of us. 

Here's what I'm trying to do now: I'm aiming for 1/2 an hour of walking or hiking, at least 3 days a week (unless I'm swimming, which is still an option for a few weeks). Yoga, at least 1 day a week, for half an hour or more. 10-15 minutes of light weight training (5 lb. weights), 3-5 times a week. Anything else is a bonus. I'm not pushing myself to hike an hour a day anymore, and honestly, I really can't with everything else going on.

What kind of workout regimen did you adopt towards the end of your pregnancy, or when another condition like injury stopped you from, say, P90X, competitive bodybuilding, cross-country running or whatever it was you did beforehand? Did you tone it down at all? Let me know, I can use all the advice I can get just now!

Brownies with a secret ingredient...no, not that one

(This isn't the secret ingredient either, though it sure did make the brownies extra yummy)

 

So I made some awesome stout brownies for St. Patrick's Day. And they could well have been vegan too, had I not thrown all of those extra chocolate chips in there for good measure (but what normal human being wouldn't?). So what replaced the normal eggs and oil and gave them their yummy fudgy texture? Pureed black beans. Yes, seriously. I'd seen so many of those internet overachievers make black bean brownies but like the rest of the world, I was skeptical. I love black beans, but really? In a brownie? Some things just don't make sense. Then while looking for a stout brownie recipe to celebrate the big holiday, I ran across this one, and they looked so good and had such rave reviews from across the interwebs that I just had to make them. And I totally don't regret it. They were awesome.
But before you nay-sayers ask what happened to make me lose my marbles, let me just tell you this: My father, who harbors a not-so-secret hatred of all foods healthy, ate one and loved it. And then when I told him what was in them, he ate another one and washed it down with a huge glass of milk. Proof positive that you'll love them. Adapted from a lovely recipe at farmgirlgourmet.com

 

 
Here's What you need:

 

• 1 15 oz can low sodium black beans (not kidding about the low sodium part, it makes a difference), rinsed about 100 times and filled with new fresh water 
• 1 1/2 cups whole wheat flour
• 2 cups white sugar 
• 1 1/4 cup dark cocoa powder (or whatever cocoa powder you've got on hand)
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1 cup of stout beer, I used Brooklyn Brewery's Black Chocolate stout but a nice coffee stout would be lovely as well (drink the rest...it'll make the morning go by faster)
• 1 semi-sweet chocolate chips (makes it un-vegan but oh well)

And here's what you do:

1. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
2. Drain a can of black beans and rinse thoroughly until the water runs clear.  Then rinse the inside of the can as well. Return the black beans back to the can and fill with water.  Puree the beans and water using food spocesser.  Set aside.
3. In a large bowl, mix flour, sugar, cocoa powder, salt and baking powder with a wire whisk.  Mix the wet ingredients (bean puree, vanilla, and stout), add to the dry ingredients and stir 5-10 times gently until there is no dry flour showing...DO NOT OVERMIX!
4. Pour batter into a well-greased baking pan. *Note...the original recipe calls for a 9x13 pan, but I used a smaller one so that they were taller and fudgier. This is your choice!* Bake for 25-30 minutes, rotating the pan around halfway through.
5. Allow yummy scent to waft through house. Drool. Let brownies cool then cut into squares and serve.
   
   That's it.  Trust me, this is a good idea. Even if you don't tell anyone in your family what's in them until after they eat the whole pan.

And the cookie exchange recipe will be...

Pfeffernuesse! They are small, spicy German Christmas cookies, and they are scrumptious.
I looked on Pinterest, allrecipes, and a million other sites that I usually go to for inspiration, and I found a ton of good ideas, but unfortunately no great ones, and none that seemed easy enough to bake 7 or 8 dozen of with a toddler hanging off my leg. But then I looked in one of my favorite cookbooks (after I looked in about 10 others first), Blue Ribbon Recipes: 693 Award-Winners from America's State and County Fairs, and I found the perfect recipe for Pfeffernuesse. And then I changed it just a little anyway. In my defense, I really couldn't find ground cloves, and didn't know how to grind the whole cloves I had without a spice or coffee grinder. I also didn't have cardamom or white pepper, so the spices are all slightly adjusted, but the cookies turned out fantastic. Not necessarily authentic, but tasty. Word of warning: store these in an airtight container once they are cooled, as they tend to get hard quickly. My handy dandy 1960 Betty Crocker picture cookbook says that you can store a wedge of apple in with them to keep them fresh and mellow the spice out a little, but in my house they didn't last that long.

3 1/2 cups unbleached flour
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger, plus a pinch
1/2 tsp nutmeg
3/4 tsp black pepper
1 cup room temperature butter
1 cup white sugar
1/4 cup molasses
1 egg
confectionery sugar for sprinkling

Preheat oven to 350 degrees and grease cold baking sheets.
Whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and spices.
In a large bowl of electric mixer cream butter and white sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in molasses and egg, scraping sides of mixer bowl constantly. Add flour mixture 1/3 at a time, and beat on low speed until a thick dough forms.
Wrap dough in plastic wrap and chill in refrigerator (NOT FREEZER) for half an hour.
Roll dough into 1-inch balls (or smaller, depending on how big you'd like your cookies; they don't really spread almost at all), and place on prepared baking sheets.
Bake 11-14 minutes. Cool on wire racks and sprinkle with confectionery sugar while still warm.

Serve. Eat. Good with German beer.

i'm not really a runner, but...

i thought you could probably use this!  i know i totally could!
i don't really run, but hubs and i have taken up going for a run a few days a week to try to train for a 5k this thanksgiving morning. it's not always fun but i normally feel way better afterwards. sometimes my husband  has to literally drag me out the door, but other times i'm rarin' to go (though after a mile or two i usually want to throw myself off a cliff). i really didn't ever run before, except during what we all called "hell week" for field hockey in high school, which really was like hell because of all of the wind sprints and marathon runs. i remember going through like entire tubs of icy hot and gallons of water. once i gave up on sports i was glad to put that all behind me!
anyway hubs and i are up to about 3.5-4 miles on a good day, and that's totally awesome since i started basically from scratch about 10 weeks ago. but i found this infographic on greatist.com this morning and i wanted to share it:

Get health and fitness tips at Greatist.com


what about you? any runners out there? how do you train, and do you always enjoy it?

I finally got my blue ribbon!

This, my friends, is what excellence looks like. No, but seriously. This babka is totally excellent. So excellent, in fact, that it took first place for yeast breads at the NJ state fair. Mind you that this is my first blue ribbon in the baking competition. The black pepper pound cake, which I think should have taken the top prize, came in #2 for pound cakes (a surprisingly competitive category). Also a collage I made a while back was a blue ribbon winner. Hubs did very well in the open agriculture show too, with several "excellent"/blue ribbon winners. I'm super proud of him and also of myself! I think this is maybe the 4th year I've entered the baking competitions and the first year I've come out on top. I think they just like complicated recipes, and this one's really pretty complicated. Like as in once or twice a year and that's it complicated (much like the pierogi, which are only for Easter. what is it with these Ukranian recipes?).
But in the spirit of sharing, here's my "Blue Ribbon Chocolate Babka" recipe...cuz yeah, that's what I'm calling it now.

Streusel Topping Ingredients:

1 2/3 Cups Confectioners’ Sugar

1 1/3 Cups All-Purpose Flour

14 T. butter at room temperature

Add all ingredients to food processer and pulse until crumbs form.

Egg wash:

1 Tablespoon Heavy Cream

1 whole egg at room temperature

Mix with fork or whisk.

Chocolate Filling Ingredients:

24-30 oz. miniature semi-sweet chocolate chips (depending on preference) or finely chopped chocolate

1 Cup sugar

2 ½ T. ground cinnamon

1 ½ sticks butter at room temperature, cut into small pieces

Place the chocolate, cup of sugar and the cinnamon in a large bowl, and stir to combine. Cut in 1 ½ sticks of butter until well combined. Set the filling aside.

Babka dough Ingredients:

1 ½ Cups Whole Milk, scalded and cooled slightly

2 T. active dry yeast

¾ Cup Sugar Plus A Pinch

2 Whole Large Eggs at Room Temperature

2 Large Egg Yolks at Room Temperature

6 Cups All-Purpose Flour, Plus Additional Flour For Your Work Surface

1 teaspoon Salt

2 Sticks of Butter at room temperature, cut into small pieces

Babka Instructions:

1. Heat milk in small saucepan on stove just until bubbles form around edges of pan. Remove from heat and let cool.

2. Pour warm milk into a small bowl. Sprinkle yeast and a pinch of sugar over the milk; let it stand until foamy and aromatic, about 5 minutes.

3. In a bowl, whisk together 3/4 cup sugar, 2 eggs and the egg yolks. Add the egg mixture to the yeast mixture, and whisk to combine.

4. In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the paddle attachment, combine the flour and salt. Add the egg mixture and beat on low speed until all of the flour is incorporated, about 30 seconds.

5. Change to the dough hook. Add 2 sticks of butter (cut into small pieces) and beat until the flour mixture and butter are completely incorporated, and a smooth, soft dough that’s slightly sticky when squeezed is formed, about 10 minutes.

6. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured surface, and knead a few turns until smooth. Butter a large bowl. Place dough in bowl, and turn to coat. Cover loosely with a tea towel, and set aside in a warm place for an hour, or until bread has approximately doubled in bulk.

 7. Generously butter three loaf pans. At this time, you can make the egg wash and set it aside, and make the streusel topping and chocolate filling if you haven’t already done so.

8. Punch back the dough and transfer it to a clean surface. Let it rest for 5 minutes. Cut the dough into 3 equal pieces. Keep 2 pieces covered with your tea towel while rolling out the third piece. On a generously floured surface, roll the dough out into approximately a 16-inch square (or slightly rectangular).

9. Brush the outer edges of the square with egg wash. Crumble 1/3 of the chocolate filling evenly over the dough, leaving a ½ -inch border.

10. Roll the dough up tightly like a jelly roll, starting at the top. Once dough is a long cylinder, twist 5 or 6 turns from each end. Place into prepared loaf pan in a horseshoe shape to that the dough cover the entire bottom of the pan. Brush the top of the roll with egg wash.

11. Repeat this process with the remaining 2 pieces of dough and the remaining filling.

12. Heat the oven to 350 degrees. Crumble 1/3 of the streusel topping over each loaf.

13. Loosely cover each pan with a tea towel and let stand in a warm place for 20 minutes.

14. Bake the loaves in the preheated oven until golden, about 55 minutes.

15. Decrease the oven temperature to 325 degrees rotate the pans in the oven at this time. Continue to bake at lower temperature until the babkas are a deep golden brown, about 15 to 20 minute. Remove them from the oven and transfer them to wire racks until completely cool, then remove the babkas from the pans and serve.

for reals, i don't care that i'm a fatty

because i want this bikini so bad.

it's from lu lu west. (i am not paid or compensated in any way to say this and honestly never even saw their website before today, but you should check it out if you're in the market for an awesome swimsuit. there aren't a lot to choose from but they are fabulous-looking)
they make beautiful swimsuits and lingerie and whatnot for plus-sized ladies like myself (though personally, i'm really just big-assed and chubby). i am somewhat too poor for it, but it is gorgeous. seeing as how i vacation at the jersey shore though, i feel like it would get way too gross after the first time i went in the ocean. also, i know that this model is in the business of selling an image, but who wears such nice accessories to the beach? i'm usually lucky if i can find sunglasses that aren't broken or covered in sand.
that's pretty much it. i have to be off now and do some cleaning and shopping. i have a very busy schedule until monday, when it all starts over again. today is my grandpa's 67th birthday, so we are going over for manicotti and mashed potatoes (i know, weird combo, right? he's a strange old german man), then tomorrow we are throwing a housewarming party for the hub's brother and his wife (the best kind of parties are the ones you throw at someone else's house), then saturday we are going to a beefsteak dinner with my folks, and sunday an old friend is coming to spend the day. if you don't hear from me, that's why.
have an awesome day!